Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
