party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
