I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
