I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Randomize
