Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
