I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
