My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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