I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
