Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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