who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
