he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
