there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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