is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
