Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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