remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
