I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
