I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he fucked my hip out of place.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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