How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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