Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
