got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
