I think im going to throw up on grandma
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
