he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
