i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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