we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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