You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
