Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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