OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
