We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
