If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
