I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
