I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
