dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i need some magic done to my vagina
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
