oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
