I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
