I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
