You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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