I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
