absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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