I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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