it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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