I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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