they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
whose parrot is this?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
