I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
