do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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