He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
