Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
