I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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