we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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