I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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