So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
