Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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