Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
4 words: hood of his car
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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