I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
