I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
